And I am on a roll! This post stems off my previous one as I think they can relate but I wanted to keep them separate. Oh and I still haven't mastered the line spacing issues so just bare with me in the meantime!
So this morning I was walking to work as I always do, the sun was shining and one of my soul songs started to play randomly on my Ipod. What is a soul song? I describe them as a song that just speaks volumes to you and you can listen to it repetitively and never grew tired of it. The music and lyrics dig deep into your body and find their way into your soul.
This particular song that was playing is by Florence and the Machine and one of my all time favorite soul songs. I had to refrain myself from twirling across the parkway with an entourage of people doing the same as I let the music consume me. Florence, a fellow August child with ADD, was approached by her record company after writing too many dark songs. They wanted something light and catchy that would top the charts. So she wrote this song and it did just that. The song spent almost 4 months at the top of the charts in the UK. While the song has an upbeat playfulness that people enjoy, many didn't realize what it was really about.
While trying to write the song, Florence wondered if she was making a sacrifice by creating a song that wasn't to please her but someone else. And then she thought about if the song was a success, what that may bring. Was she ready for the spotlight? Or furthermore, being a sell out?
There are just so many elements of the song that I can relate to. I love the questioning of who really is control of your fate and how much of yourself are you willing to give up for the so called acceptance of others? I realize now that a lot of the reason I've had trouble finding a sense of who I am was because I was too focused on trying to be the way others wanted.
Many of you know I've always been fascinated by astrology and being a Leo. Part of the reason why I loved reading about Leos so much was because it connected to my soul and deep down I knew that was the nature of my being. Growing up, many of my Leo features were suppressed and considered improper. I became fearful at times of being who I really was and as a result I became insecure and unable to stand up for myself.
Now is the time for me to stop being the fearful rabbit hearted girl and to shed my skin and proudly become the lion hearted woman I know I am.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Anything less than perfect is acceptable.
Hello, hello! Yes, I have returned, although I feel like I was never really gone. Since my hiatus I have still been thinking about this blog and jotting things down that I wanted to share with the world and I am ready to go for it again.
As I mentioned earlier, I was putting massive pressure on myself to create the perfect blog post each week. I became fearful of the judgments others would make of my writing and it became too much for me to bare. The blog wasn't fun anymore. But now I realize this is for me, as a way to express and take ownership of my thoughts and not twist them around in the hopes of appeasing other people. So if I want to dedicate a post to typing out the alphabet backwards twenty times I can and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
During the past month I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my new found perfectionism. I have always been an all or nothing thinker and I thought I would be able to master the art of living my life in a perfect straight line. At therapy the other day I was once again expressing my anger at the fact that things weren't always going my way and it pissed me off that no matter what I did, bad days still happened. I was determined not to let them slow me down. I explained to my therapist that I was getting so close to finding a way to ultimately conquer and defeat the times of suffering and live in bliss for the rest of my days.
"Oh Danielle." She expressed with deep sorrow on her face. "Don't you see, no matter how hard you try, you are never going to be perfect."
Fuck.
She was right. I truly believed that somehow I was different from everyone else and that I could find a way to make my life go exactly the way I wanted it to. And that's just not going to happen. Then, I really strange feeling washed over me, relief. Knowing I didn't always have to be perfect made things seem, easier...lighter even. I realized I didn't want to let the assumptions I thought everyone was thinking about me control my life. So from now on I am going to do my best to just be me, as I am, in the moment. And there are going to be people I encounter on my path that do not like me and that's okay. I'm over trying to please others and live my life in the way I think I should and just fucking live it and see what happens.
As I mentioned earlier, I was putting massive pressure on myself to create the perfect blog post each week. I became fearful of the judgments others would make of my writing and it became too much for me to bare. The blog wasn't fun anymore. But now I realize this is for me, as a way to express and take ownership of my thoughts and not twist them around in the hopes of appeasing other people. So if I want to dedicate a post to typing out the alphabet backwards twenty times I can and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
During the past month I have been doing a lot of reflecting on my new found perfectionism. I have always been an all or nothing thinker and I thought I would be able to master the art of living my life in a perfect straight line. At therapy the other day I was once again expressing my anger at the fact that things weren't always going my way and it pissed me off that no matter what I did, bad days still happened. I was determined not to let them slow me down. I explained to my therapist that I was getting so close to finding a way to ultimately conquer and defeat the times of suffering and live in bliss for the rest of my days.
"Oh Danielle." She expressed with deep sorrow on her face. "Don't you see, no matter how hard you try, you are never going to be perfect."
Fuck.
She was right. I truly believed that somehow I was different from everyone else and that I could find a way to make my life go exactly the way I wanted it to. And that's just not going to happen. Then, I really strange feeling washed over me, relief. Knowing I didn't always have to be perfect made things seem, easier...lighter even. I realized I didn't want to let the assumptions I thought everyone was thinking about me control my life. So from now on I am going to do my best to just be me, as I am, in the moment. And there are going to be people I encounter on my path that do not like me and that's okay. I'm over trying to please others and live my life in the way I think I should and just fucking live it and see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)